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[personal profile] indigo_lover
Hello world~ and no.. this is not a fan fiction of any kind... its just my random thoughts typed out (LJ is a journal after all).

Have you ever had one of those days where you find yourself staring up at your ceiling and its 2 am.... you roll from side to side trying to find sleep but you just cant seem to, however much you try. Plus it has been one hell of day and your whole body is tired and sore. All you want to do is drift off to dream land as soon as your eyes close. But nope, when you do close your eyes, you hear the sounds of the clock ticking and the fan blowing, also the occasional cars speeding in the distance... Trying to will yourself to sleep seemed to work last time but not anymore... your mind doesnt listen to you and you remain wide awake.

People advice me to not watch TV or read before I go to sleep because you will end up thinking about it throughout the night. Thus I stopped reading story books and watching TV after 10 pm, I tried that for about 4 days but the results were still the same, I still couldnt sleep for more than 4 hours, however tired or sleepy I may be when I got ready for bed.

In the end, I came up with a conclusion, my mind is not actually tired.... Tho my body is. I am currently unemployed and waiting for my final exam results. When I was working, sleep came to me even when I was suppose to be awake XD. Oh the thrill of a desk job! But now, there is nothing that requires me to think as much. The only thing I have to worry and crack my brain on is what to eat for lunch and dinner? and even then my options are very limited.. so no point thinking too hard on it.

I used to love the thought of not having to work and to sleep how ever long I wanted without setting my alarm. It was great for the first 3 mths, but after that... not so much. "So why dont you just get a job?!" you would say. Well without passing my finals, I will not graduate to have a professional qualification.

Companies, public or private would always consider someone with a professional qualification first and tho I have gotten jobs without graduating (Only with pure luck and good connections) studying and working is not as easy as people say it is "You are so close to graduating, why dont you start working and earn money while you study, its not that hard". Like an eager teen wanting to earn my own money I agreed.... I ended up failing and delaying my graduation... So in the end, after a year and a half of working, I was fed up and decided to fully concentrate on studies again. And~~~ here I am, complaining for having trouble sleeping because my brain is not used enough.

Damn... I cant seem to be satisfied with anything.... Its 12.35 am here and my lights are still on and my brain still fully awake... my eye bags are getting darker and heavier but nah... i never quite care about my appearance anyways.. (How do ppl end this anyways...).

Well I'm out~!

Date: 2016-09-16 10:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aibanokokuhaku.livejournal.com
I am going through something similar. I was working in Tokyo until February. I was really sick and I went to the doctor and my body was having physical responses to stress and anxiety. He advised me to quit, so I did.

The first 4 months I rested, but since June/July I have been job hunting, looking for something part-time and close to my house. I am worried if I teach in Tokyo again I will get too stressed out.

So if finding a job is too stressful, build yourself up to it. Keep your mind and body busy with a few super focused hobbies. Mine is translating magazine articles about Arashi. If you need someone to talk to or anything, let me know! :)

Date: 2017-03-17 03:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hana-jae.livejournal.com
Hi..
Did you get my message?

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indigo_lover

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